he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
