Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize