SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
