I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize