Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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