Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
