I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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