bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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