it's not cheating when I paid for it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
