Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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