I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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