I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
