I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
