I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
