just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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