your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
