she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
