from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Randomize
