the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
