Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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