yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
