...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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