i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I still have a little drunk in my system
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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