I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
