Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
