whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
