he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Mom said you looked used
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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