life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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