New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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