weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize