Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
