On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
