Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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