The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
