so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
