Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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