he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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