I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
