A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
