based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
