Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
