My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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