You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
