yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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