I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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