he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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