This is not my ceiling
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
