had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
