My nipple is on Facebook.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
