the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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