i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Enjoy the penises
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
