lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
