Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
