i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
