Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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