i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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