Sorry, I don't speak sober.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
