One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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