Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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