The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
