So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
