Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
