walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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