I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
