just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
