P.S. I can't hear my feet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she peed on how many people?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
