No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize