love makes seman taste better
time to smoke my breakfast
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
