His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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