so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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