My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize