he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
In America we eat man semen.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
