I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
