70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She bit a glass in half.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
