Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
