She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
