My hand turned me down
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
