...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
