I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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