I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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