god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
