Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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