Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
