the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
