I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
