Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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