12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
