So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize