I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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