come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Welp...herpes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
