it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
