Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
