so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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