thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
