The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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