It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
