we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
