How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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